When it’s you…
She walked in the privilege of health. Years of faithful service solidified confidence in her body’s ability to pretty much respond, on command. So why was this different? The inner work and unseen moon magic of her body…it’s monthly systematic functioning was a given. Like clockwork. Predictable. On time. Dependable. But this was different.
She felt out of control. Powerless. Juicing. Yoga. Fasting. Herbs. Intentional relaxation. A vacation. Nothing seemed to work. This time her body would not perform. Her body would not respond to her commands for conception.
“Hers” is one of many versions of the same story. Bottom line – infertility has decided to pay you a visit. Fibroid tumors, endometriosis, polycystic ovarian disease, auto immune disorders…any number of ailments can lead you on this path.
However you got here, the endless poking and prodding has revealed the problem and it’s you. Forget all the male swagger about virility and sowing seed. Women…who cannot physically bear children suffer a deep blow to their self-esteem. They scratch, claw and fight for the opportunity to give birth and will do almost anything to make it happen. When it’s you…it hurts.
You’ve been hit at your core and nothing makes sense. Not your husband, your doctor, your friends or family. The career you’ve worked so hard to build. Your concept of God has been shaken. You teeter between the familiar and unknown, wondering if you’ll recover. If you’ll ever feel a stabilizing , soul connecting foundation of faith ….solid beneath your feet.
When it’s you, you’ll wonder if you’re beautiful. You’ll feel flawed. Defective. Broken. You’ll wonder if he still loves you. Which takes us back to the lies. Friend, don’t believe it. If you believe the lie you lose. Everything.
Infertility Prayer Day #4
Cover yourself in His beautifully and wonderfully made cloak of love. Remind yourself of His great plans for you. (He really does have plans for your life that have nothing to do with whether or not you ever give birth to a baby.) Set your heart to hope and rest… knowing your story isn’t over.
Bishop T.D. Jakes makes it plain with this ( and I’ll paraphrase) “if the same problem from last year is holding you back this year…you’re in containment.” Check in with yourself – does it apply to you? Don’t let infertility negatively define who you are or the woman God has called you to be.
If you’ve given your life to Him. You are in the center of His will. He is building and shaping your life’s monument, and now, perhaps, doing a bit of the deep chiseling that’s necessary to refine His masterpiece. He loves you. Let Him complete the work.
When it’s you – believe this truth :
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14
which inspired this song
You can catch up on previous posts in this series by clicking here.