Place these words on your hearts. Get them deep inside you. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder. Teach them to your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night. Inscribe them on the doorposts and gates of your cities so that you’ll live a long time, and your children with you, on the soil that God promised to give your ancestors for as long as there is a sky over the Earth.
Deuteronomy 11:18
Wrapped head to toe in a whimsical African print, she posed for a picture after her last midwifery appointment. She was 36 weeks pregnant with baby number 5 and glowing in her Facebook feed. I clicked “like” and commented “You’re beautiful. You were made for this”. I meant it. But the second part…”you were made for this”, my own words, ricocheted off the screen to slap me in the face. Pregnancy didn’t come easily for me. I didn’t do it well. My body fought to snuff the life out of 2 babies before I could meet one. I wasn’t made for it. At least that’s what 14 years of infertility made me believe.
It’s why I still write about infertility. Infertility follows you. The years weigh heavily and a long-standing disease digs its roots deep. The memory of infertility hurts and the enemy of my soul knows how to use it against me. 34 weeks of pregnancy with a healthy baby healed the fact of my infertility but – my heart. Receiving my hearts healing is a choice I have to make every day.
Infertility consumes your identity. It’s why I call survivors, warriors. We’ve lived through physical and emotional abuse, an outright attack on the front lines of faith. I realize…I’m in recovery.
Everyone wants healing but we don’t talk enough about how to keep it. No one tells you how to hold on to your healing. After the week-long revival no one tells you how the devil promises to pull you away to offer his take on what went down. You’re going to have to have something to combat that. The day after, and every day after that …you’ll have to speak your healing – to and for yourself.
To hold on to your healing savor, remember, hide…seal the word in your heart.
I love the movie The Book of Eli starring Denzil Washington. It’s a little saucy (language/violence) but I love it for its very modern interpretation of the word of God (the Bible) as a powerful weapon. My takeaway – Hide the word in your heart. The word has to be in you …you’ll have to become the word. You’ll need it to survive. Whether it’s the threat of life in a post-apocalyptic world or a personal crisis…you’ll need to know the word. You have to be grounded.
This is where the grounding comes in and why it makes me think of the woman with the issue of blood in Luke 8:43-48.
Because…
I was the woman with the issue of blood. Maybe you were too. I won’t go into the ugly details of living with a physical condition that causes you to hemorrhage for 12 years. For me, this was more serious than an iron deficiency – towards the end of my journey I was spiritually anemic. I needed and still need a transfusion – a steady drip of the life found in His word and what it says about me.
My spiritual mother would say tell the truth and shame the devil. I’ve been given so much and I know my family was created on purpose. My journey through infertility and adoption is the biggest testimony of my life. So I’m embarrassed to admit it. But I’ll go forth in the wisdom of her words. Here’s the truth – I get caught out there sometimes. Still.
And when I do, I go to the word. It’s not something I did automatically. I learned to reach for the word.
Healing… is something you have to hold on to.
I wish her story told a little of the days and months after – the messy middle where she learned to say “I am the healed of God”. I wish the Bible gave us a peek at what happened after that day in the crowd. Because the enemy isn’t impressed by victory. He’ll claw at the truth of it until we tell Him to stop. And we have to tell him to stop every day.
If we’re offered a glimpse, it’s this… some say this woman walked with Jesus to the cross. That’s encouraging. It tells me she didn’t give up. It tells me she scratched the words on her hands and forehead as a reminder. I believe she was healed of the hard thing and her healing was complete – but she held on to it by staying grounded, by holding on to the word in her heart.
You have to claim your healing…especially the healing of your heart and mind. If you’re celebrating a breakthrough – mark the victory party as day one. You have to hold on to your healing.
Say it with me…
“I’m holding on.
Hands to heaven, heart open wide…YOU oh God, are my truth, my mantra…my whispered remembrance…and sacred prayer.
I take hold of my healing, I cling to it, I believe it. I actively pursue it, I receive it. It isn’t casual. I’m committed.
I am the healed of God. I am the healed of God. I am the healed of God”.
Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight….#GiveMeGrace
♥ Continue reading “Give Me Grace : Hold On To Your Healing”
