Line up! Correction is a good thing. photo : Flickr CC – ilovememphis
The road to life is a disciplined life; ignore correction and you’re lost for good. – Proverbs 10:17 MSG
Discipline.
The routine of the every day.
Repetition. Rehearsal.
Perfection through the process.
This is the language I learned as a dancer.
As a mother and wife…lately I’ve forgotten it.
No doubt there’s an everyday to my motherhood.
The pull-ups, toys, spills, the noise.
But with dance there’s formula.
An expected end and measurable results.
A recipe.
There were rules. Direction. Correction.
The now of my motherhood is sustained by few rules. And very little preparation.
I’ve grown stale in applying the basics of the only instructional manual that matters. I’m making it up as I go along.
My “make do” discipline is a commitment to get up. Every day. And try again. It’s something, but it isn’t enough.
The unpredictability of children makes the mercurial bent of parenting all the more clear. And marriage as a melding of two 1’s – is just as precarious. It’s time for correction.
This year, I’m reviewing a few of the lessons I learned at the barre.
This year I’m revisiting a dancers discipline in the studio of life.
Has your motherhood and marriage suffered from lack of discipline. Tell me how you reigned yourself back in. Has gentle wind of correction nudged you toward change? Share your story.
worth the fight – family portrait by Ila Epperson with Emoni, Emoni Jr. and little Jade (the grands)
We met in a dream last night.
Quiet, silent, holy.
After days of discord, it was the only place I knew I could find you.
In the dream we pushed past schedules and commitments. Work and the drama of our usual hustle. We pushed past people….even little ones.
We found our space and pushed Legos, books and trains to the floor
And I heard our song
And in my dream…we remembered.
The how of our life is hard.
I know.
4 children, a salary, a city. This life. I know a lot of it falls on you. And the voices that disapprove of what and how we do what we do. Don’t help. Keeping it cool is hard.
I know.
But we have God. And what we have is a gift.
It’s sacred. Even the hard. It’s our job to remember.
You left early, the hush and glow of a city reawakening the promise of another chance, another day
But I felt your hands as you covered us in prayer before leaving
And I remembered again.
We haven’t spoken
But peace…real peace fills my heart.
I’m holding it close.
My love, we may fight
But our love…that’s worth fighting for.
You’re my place of quiet retreat. I will wait for your word to renew me.
Psalm 119:114 The Message
The seeds spilled from the apple I sliced, falling into the bowl one by one, a metaphor for the missed opportunities I couldn’t stop thinking of that morning. It’s not odd that my head and heart are full today. Each year around this time, the world leans in to the promise of change brought on by the coming of the New Year. We count down and plan. Make lists and promises. We set goals and resolve. Every year.
This year I’m taking a pause. The inevitable inward reflection has left me troubled because last year… I felt I missed the mark…so many times.
Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like you haven’t measured up? Have missed the mark and perhaps wonder if you’ll be able to do anything about the trajectory you see yourself on? Sometimes, as much as I try, I can’t see the silver lining…a way out…and I find my expectation for relief is limited. In those times, I’m blinded by self effort and can’t see beyond the distraction of doing.
To be clear, I’m not beating myself up. I’m making an effort to be intentional and own up to choices I’ve made. I’m reaching higher and pushing the envelope. I’ve made peace with my past and I’m looking ahead. I want to do this resolution thing more effectively.
At a conference in October I sat across from a new friend and was asked to share a secret struggle. Something going on on the inside, that perhaps we haven’t shared with anyone. It was an exercise of sorts and an opportunity to release or at least get help carrying a burden. My partner was clear and concise. Able to express her hidden concerns while looking me eye to eye. She didn’t flinch and poured out worries I didn’t expect. She’s awesome and amazing and talented and beautiful and like everyone else in the room, including me….a work in progress. Really, it wasn’t so much what she said, but that she was able to connect with her feelings and convey them so transparently…that got my attention.
I couldn’t think of any thing to say. And perhaps that’s part of the problem. I couldn’t identify the “thing”. I mumbled words about being generally fulfilled and looked past and through her, all the while hoping she didn’t see me. I didn’t answer the question.
Since then I’ve prayed God would help me put my finger on it. I’ve found things are revealed as I’m ready to receive them. That night, at the table in the dark….sitting safely in the presence of a woman who promised to hold whatever I poured …I wasn’t ready.
I don’t know if I’m ready now but the things won’t stay hidden any more. I’ve identified a few of them and some have scared me. One I’ll share.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. – Jim Rohn
Discipline.A lack of discipline has impacted certain areas of my life. I’ve made choices and overlooked things because I didn’t want to deal with them. I’ve done whatever I wanted, placing a positive spin on my bad habits. I’ve dismissed opportunities for radical change and called them powerful choices. When perhaps, at the core, was a lack of discipline. In situations like this I’ve actually done nothing and called it a stance of power. Granted, sometimes it was, but other times, I was shut up and shut down in a spiritual coma. I backed down and away from the choice to move because it was easier and I was lazy.
So it’s time to face it.
It’s always about perspective and I’ll try seeing the seeds I mentioned earlier as incubators of positive life altering change. The promise of something new. Each one holding a promise, a step closer to the peace I’m looking for. Because He’s revealed , I know He’ll help. I’m encouraged. I claim renewal as I meditate and wait for His word. And this year, one of my words is discipline.
This year I’ll take part in a one word resolution challenge. I’ll shift my perspective and view my life through the lens of this word. Let the word…discipline, color my choices. Use it as a barometer to set my day and push me toward a brighter future.
This is the good scary stuff. I’m taking the leap. Are you ready for this? What’s your word? Follow along with me at OneWord365.
we hold the heart…and grace is the healer photo: Flickr CC Hamed Al Araisi
You decide according to what you can see and touch. I don’t make judgments like that. But even if I did, my judgment would be true because I wouldn’t make it out of the narrowness of my experience but in the largeness of the One who sent me, the Father. John 8: 15-16
I was in church last night. It’s a weekly ritual and party. A celebration of Jesus every Saturday night in New York City.
We slid into our seats in the converted movie theater after searching for parking. We’re in the Bronx. It’s jam-packed – children and families, young adults and seniors. The air is full of expectation. Because if you go to church on Saturday night….in NYC, you want to go. You want to be there.
Before I could get my coat off I heard a song. Victory by Tye Tribbett. I’d heard the song before but didn’t know it’s author. But this is a huge church. There are screens and speakers and an audio-visual team that makes sure you can follow along with lyrics and before that, know the song’s title and composer.
I was jamming along with the music ministry before I saw his name. It flashed across the screen just as I thought to myself how much I love the song. It’s catchy and can pump you up when you need that kind of thing. And mid groove I swear… I judged him.
A few days earlier his name came through my Facebook feed. Old news of an affair from 2010. 2010! The power and pain of living in the age of information is that the news is constantly recycled. Your brilliance and bruises will be played and replayed in a continual loop lest anyone forget. This is pretty cool when you’re shining bright but what about when you’ve been broken and your heart needs fixing.
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” ― C.S. Lewis
I missed this tidbit in 2010. But days shy of 2014 there it was in my news feed. And a few days after reading it, seeing his name attached to music I loved, somehow sullied my enjoyment. For a moment I judged him. A stream of negative thoughts and questions about the church and hypocrisy and distrust of religion took over. Because I have them. Sometimes.
I judged him and didn’t tweet the lyrics. I do that in service sometimes and many are blessed by the words. I’m not a preacher but I love music and love to share snippets of songs that move me as a way of connecting hearts to His love. Music is powerful like that. But I judged him. So…no tweet.
Heart fixer. Heart Fixer. He is a heart fixer. #TyeTribbett
Good news that didn’t go out.
The word last night was on grace. I don’t have to tell you how God whipped me into shape with that one. My heart was softened for a broken man who’d had and repented of a marital affair. His infidelity is not my business. Offering grace is. An offer of grace is more powerful than judgement. Judgement isolates and divides. Grace brings life, repentance and change. Grace heals hearts.
Certainly I can choose to not support his ministry. I’m all for using our money wisely and in support of causes and businesses we respect, but that’s not what happened here. I judged him on information I received and didn’t send out a message that could change a life. That’s the beauty of social media and the other side of living in the age of information. If I love and am ministered to by a song that points to Jesus, well that’s the point. Whether he’s faithful in marriage is not. He needs prayer. Period. And I can do that. It’s Gods job to judge the hearts of men. Not mine.
Tye Tribbett is a man. A human being. A follower of Christ. He is not perfect. And I don’t judge him. I can’t.
Here are a few lines from the song and I’ve provided a link to an audio track. It really is an amazing, feel-good, all about Jesus song. Enjoy.
Heart fixer. Heart fixer
He is a heart fixer
[repeat]
Mind regulator
Mind regulator
[repeat]
Healer. Healer.
He is my healer.
[repeat]
Provider. Provider.
He’s my provider.
Food when I’m hungry.
I’m never empty
Water when I’m thirsty
He satisfies me
[repeat]
Jesus. Jesus (whew!)
Your name is Jesus
[repeat]
I’m always on the lookout for the little foxes. The ones that quietly sneak away with peace while we wallow in the funk they’ve created. Do you have areas like that?
