Blog : Give Me Grace

God and the Midlife Mama – a few words

Midlife Meeting with God
Midlife Meeting with God
a tree, a bench and some place for me to put the things I’ll have to let go
photo: Flickr Creative Commons – Eddie Van W.

 

I’ve met God here.  We sit in a space like this regularly. A tree, a bench and a place to put the things I’ll have to let go. Moving forward always means letting go. I’ll sit on the bench and recite my mantra. Psalms 92:12-15. I’ve held this chunk of truth in my heart – willing myself to live its meaning. I’ve soaked long in its hope.

The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God.
They shall still bear fruit in old age; They shall be fresh and flourishing,
To declare that the Lord is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him. – Psalm 92:12-15

But I’m walking into a new season and now, the words take on new meaning. The ground of my heart has been watered with fresh perspective.

On my next birthday I’ll be 48 years young and this scripture has been a daily affirmation for more than a decade. A wise friend graced me with these words when I struggled with infertility. I desperately received them. Chewing on the words, spirit-poor and so hungry then, they sustained me.  Now, they satisfy. I’m embracing this mid-life season and stepping in with no worries. He is my rock and I trust Him.  I’m ready for the journey.

This scripture assures me it’s never too late for expansion.  Miracles, change and growth are promised if we stay rooted. It’s never too late to give birth – to flourish. By the grace of God I went on to have a baby.  A healthy boy at 44. But there are others births I’m believing for. I’m believing for expansion. I have goals, plans and God-sized dreams.

This month I’ll take on a leadership role in a community group with (in)courage. I’ll have the opportunity to pray for and encourage women faced with infertility. Being used in this capacity is one of those dreams.

God said this scripture was written for me. It’s for you as well…especially if you find yourself, like me, a mid-life mama. This scripture is our theme. Obedience and faith will ensure the birth of more beauty than we can imagine.

Join me at the tree. This scripture is an eternal promise of perpetual restoration. We just have to believe it.

 

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Welcome to the Sunday Community. Link-up with a photo and just a few, brief words of inspiration. Not many words at all.

Then, extend a bit of hospitality to the others here. Take some time to visit with one another and share a bit of grace. Please grab the Sunday button from the link at the top of the page to post at your place, so others know where to find us.

 

 

 

How I Found Freedom in Worship

 the heart of worship for me, is a dance photo: flickr creative commons Mara Earth Light

the heart of worship for me, is a dance
photo: flickr creative commons Mara Earth Light

 

Worship
An offering
Oh what can I give?
What can I present?
Worthy for a king?
I stumble
My words, my feelings and emotions
Crumble
They fall at your altar

Many times I’ve cursed you
And the last time , the last time I walked away
You knew I’d return
This prodigal mess returns hoping for your forgiveness and blessing – I NEED to worship
Eyes lowered and hands to heart, humbled
In reverence
The unlikely candidate who won the race – I am victorious
My victory a product of your undeniable grace, I can’t take the credit…my heart’s cry for worship won’t let me
But something in me wants to hold on to my shame…grasp after the guilt
When You’ve set me free
I’ve won and I’m free and You did it and I don’t feel it

I don’t feel free!!!

Then the music…I hear the music and the angelic chorus calls
Working its way through my heart, my first movements a stiff and unsure waltz towards forgiveness
But this beat is real and really there is nothing and no one here but You and I
And I realize I’m caught up
And we dance
Slowly at first, arms unfolding towards heaven, with every breath I trust
In you
because finally I’ve let go of Me
And this brilliant transparent light lifts and supports
And no one can see You
Hold me, Help me – dance.
So I take my freedom and move now with the abandonment of adoration.
Because I’ve entered – a place of worship.

Linking up this week with Five Minute Friday and Fellowship Fridays.

5minutefridayfellowshipfriday

 

 

 

 

Why Josh Didn’t Get the Part on the CW’s Reality Show About Ballet: A heart-Breaking Pointe- Part 1

Whitney-25-to-Watch
Whitney Huell – Ballet West
talent is God-given and undeniable

Last week I read a post by Deidra Riggs. I was drawn to the posts picture. A court dance scene from a ballet. I love ballet! Of course I was all over it. And the featured dancer was a young African-American man! A rare treat. So I read on. Deidras’ post highlighted an episode on the reality show Breaking Pointe, where the only African-American male dancer in the company was trying out for a role in their upcoming production of Cinderella. The role was that of a clown or jester. A slap-stick character called “Napoleon”, the brunt of all the jokes. A mid-level company member, will Josh get the role?

Deidra did a fabulous job in giving us the run down of what happened on the actual show. You can read that here

So I’ll dig into this and join the discussion with a few remarks and since the show aired weeks ago and everyone knows by now, I’ll let you know why Josh didn’t get the role. I hope you won’t mind the diversion and pray there’s a little something here that’ll cause us to stretch and grow.

God delights in our differences…. of this I’m sure. So let’s do this…

Arthur Mitchell broke ground and made history as the first African American dancer hired by the New York City Ballet in 1955, rising to principal in 1956. Josh joins him as one of the few men who have been able to break barriers in the world of classical dance. Progress for women of color has been much slower. It wasn’t until 1990 that Lauren Anderson of Houston Ballet made history as the first African-American principal dancer in a major (read : white) dance company.

Here’s a hard truth: our country holds tight to the idea of “the princess” remaining white. Old ideas and images die hard. I watched season 1 of Breaking Pointe in 2011 hoping they would highlight Katlyn Addison and Whitney Huell, the two brown ballerinas in the studio scenes. To tell their stories. They never did. So I’ll talk here about the black girls and about the absence of black dancers in ballet in general.

Snow Flakes – The Nutcracker
that’s me on the right

I was one of the millions of little girls who dreamt of becoming a ballerina. I was one of the very few who go on to actually get paid to wear pointe shoes. By Gods grace I had the opportunity to work professionally with the internationally acclaimed Dance Theatre of Harlem. I worked with smaller regional companies as well.

Traditionally our world views a ballerina in pink. From head to toe she is swathed in pink. Leotard, tights, tutu and toe shoes….pink. She is also defined, perhaps not in word but in deed as being white. I grew up in the early 70’s and was blessed with teachers and role models who were discovering and embracing their blackness. My teachers wore dashikis and Afros and taught me about James Baldwin and Maya Angelou. I grew up with a certain sense of my self as a black woman. I know this was a blessing. Not all African-American children grow up this way.

But even then, marinated in all this positive thinking and self-love, ballerinas to me were white. Until I saw a performance by the Dance Theatre of Harlem. I was 15. A community program I participated in hosted a trip to see the company at City Center. And every dancer on the stage was brown. The girls wore pointe shoes. Graceful. Elegant. Proud. I’d never seen anything like it and my world changed. I’d always wanted to be a ballerina. Was self-taught largely through library books until then. But that night I knew it was possible. Suddenly, it was real.

I’d taken ballet classes before this. Although my parents couldn’t afford it, I found ways to dance. Community programs sponsored through the library were, back then, a haven for the arts. I’d scour the monthly calendar of free events and beg my mom to take me. I was always the only black student. I had a good time in class and teachers were mostly welcoming but a few tried to convince me to study tap or jazz. This was the late 70’s. Roughly 20 years earlier, African-Americans were sitting at the back of the bus, unable to use a library card, being hosed and inevitably – staging boycotts. As a country, we were just beginning to heal from the wounds fear, ignorance and injustice caused. Dance Theatre of Harlem made their company début in 1971 and originated as a creative response to the hatred of that time.

So the concept of African-Americans participating in the beauty of ballet was still new. Steeped in European traditions and presented as an art form for the élite – ballet and the African-American community were just being introduced. Arthur Mitchell’s is the story that made the headlines. But there were others. There were other dancers who assisted in the tearing down of these creatively restrictive walls. Doris Jones and Claire H. Haywood founded their school in 1941 and the New York Negro Ballet was founded in 1954. In church basements and community centers all over the country ballet was happening and it was happening in the ‘hood. Step by step…progress was being made.

I had to give you the history – which made this, to me, a perfect behind the scenes post. We can talk more about Josh next week and why although he didn’t get the part we can remain hopeful.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this discussion…at next weeks Behind the Scenes link-up.

behindthescenes

Did you ever study ballet?  What are your first memories? Was there a lone black girl in your class? Was that girl, you?  I hope you’ll join me in the comments section below.

I Wanna Be Ready

"I Wanna Be Ready"  dancer : Dudley Williams of Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater
“I Wanna Be Ready”
dancer : Dudley Williams of Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater

Ready.

In that day, he which shall be upon the housetop, and his stuff in the house, let him not come down to take it away: and he that is in the field, let him likewise not return back. Remember Lot’s wife. – Luke 17:31-32

This scripture, poured into every chamber of my heart this week and filled me with questions. What can I do to be ready? Because if you’re ready there’s no reason to look back. Lot’s wife wasn’t ready. Travelling light, no baggage? Can I do anything to prepare?

Earlier verses reveal we’ll not know of His return. It’ll be a day like any other..filled with cares and struggles, joy and LIFE.  It’ll be business as usual and we’ll have to be ready.

I’ll have to prepare. Can I devise a plan to prepare my family, my loved ones and community? What will I have to do to be ready? It troubled me to think that as much as I cherish the dear souls I’ve crossed paths with – in this life, I won’t be able to.  I can plant the word and live my life in a way that points to Christ but I can’t get them ready. Readiness is personal. I can only ready myself.

Just before bed last night Alvin Ailey’s “I Wanna Be Ready” crossed my mind. This lyrical piece full of grace, and control is a solo in the ballet “Revelations”. The choreography is simple yet demanding, requiring the dancers’ complete mastery of his center…his core. The word? This was the visual I needed. And I thought “Mr. Ailey knew what he was doing. This dance is a solo. Getting ready is a solo act”. I can teach the choreography and attend a few rehearsals with my dancers (family) but in the end it’s a dance we’ll all do alone. Each step perfected as a result of the discipline of independent, individual practice and – application of the word.

And for a moment my mama’s heart filled with a thousand what ifs. Because I so want to experience eternity with my loved ones. So I watched the video a few times. Letting the movement and melody take over…ministering to me. And realized the dancer was never alone. He pulled on his inner strength, his core and center to perform the piece. He had a partner. Jesus was at the center of it all. The dancer used wisdom and tapped into his core. The core that never fails. The core that is all knowing. The core was the word. And the word is God.

When we have the word we are never alone. We’ll each have to figure it out but we won’t do it alone. The solo is now the most intimate duet. My invisible partner…yours..is Jesus.  

I imagined this dancer full of the word.  Ready.

Lord give us the grace to be ready…to fill our hearts with Your word.  Your word will give us the confidence to live life with no regrets – NOW!  We’ll have no reason to look back.

If you have the time…sow these 3 minutes into your life and be blessed.

an offering to The Sunday CommunityThe Weekend Brew and Transformed Tuesdays

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