I need to get back in touch with my body. The extra pounds I’ve held onto, two and a half years after the baby… can no longer be called baby weight. It’s called bad habits and no exercise. After a back injury in December, I got into a slump. I haven’t danced, rehearsed …moved and it isn’t normal or healthy. Dancing saved my life when I struggled through infertility. I’m not ready to stop, so I’ve got to get this body going again. I am beginning to feel the word sedentary creep into its place as an adjective that describes me and I’m frightened.
Words like this mean weight gain, disease, a slow decline into the a lifestyle that breeds more of the same. And I refuse. So…I’m getting my body back. Not any particular size or goal but fit…strong.
I’ve spent the past few months on a steady decline. Day by day feeling weaker, less motivated, stiff. New aches becoming familiar and me settling in to this new normal. Over the weekend I saw a photo of myself that looked like me with someone else’s body. I cringed. How did this happen? As a homeschooling mama of 4, with a part-time teaching and training schedule , there’s little time for exercise. But I don’t feel like myself without stretching , without strengthening…without being fit and flexible. I’m missing the benefits of a good old-fashioned sweat. It’s TIME to get serious about refocusing my energies to include keeping ME healthy.
I’ve been a dancer all of my adult life and have studied the benefits of proper nutrition. I can do this but I’ll need your help. I need accountability and encouragement. Starting today I am committing to 30 minutes of exercise every day. This along with a nutrient rich whole foods diet and a big fat negative on the late night sweets – should get the ball rolling in the right direction. Let’s see what happens in 30 days. I’ll post weekly check-ins so that you can help me gauge my progress.
this would be cute if it was a baby bump shot…but it’s not
This is me… getting it started. It’s never just about numbers…healing is layered and multi-dimensional so I’m believing God will minister to me during this season of introspection. Do you have any fitness goals that you’ve decided to make a priority. Maybe we can work together? Share your story in the comment section below.
Only a few moments ago I lie across my queen-sized bed – body smashed and mashed in, sardine tight with 4 children. I was exhausted and on the verge of tears. Today had been mommy-hard and amidst the chaos and confusion of making it all work – I lost my view.
I lay there taking in the breeze from my window and almost forgot the blessing that got me here. The tears I cried and the prayers that were answered to get me here. This moment. Back aching, head spinning, tears falling but I’m here. When so many others wait and have lost their way. Their view, so different from mine. Their futures clouded in a haze of whys and when’s.
I have to work harder to keep my eyes on the God who is my provision in all things. Who is the Father of my motherhood. Who daily grants grace when I can’t see. Who will hold my hand and guide me even when my vision is blurred, blocked or obstructed. He is my view.
so I did it..a Five Minute Friday post in 5 minutes. okay 3 more for the picture but it’s getting better. Visit Lisa Jo Baker and friends at lisajobaker.com for more inspiration,and musings on VIEW,from the many gifted writers that take part in this weekly collective.
My new friend and attendee at the virtual tea party ,Tanya Martinez of Typical Tanya, nominated me for The Super Sweet Blogger Award! Thank you sister and friend for the inspiration and encouragement such an action bestows. I am absolutely honored to be included in the company of so many other generous and passionate writers.
Rules for this award:
Thank the Super Sweet Blogger who nominated you
Answer 5 super sweet questions
Include the Super Sweet Blogging award image in your blog post
Nominate 12 other bloggers
So…I just obliged two of the rules by posting the official image of The Super Sweet Blogger Award and acknowledging Tanya! This is easy!
Here are my answers to the 5 super sweet questions
1. Cookies or cake? In allegiance to all the “real deal” sweet fans out there – I will not answer this question. I can not pledge either side..my love and devotion for both…a bittersweet battle I am obliged and happy to entertain
2. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate!
3. Favorite sweet treat? Fudge brownies. The perfect fudge brownie gets me every time.
4.When do you crave sweet things the most? after a perfectly balanced, nutritious and delicious dinner – a sweet treat is what I’m looking for.
5. Sweet nickname? Lil Mama. Lil Mama is a name my husband gave to me during our 1st year of marriage. I called him Big Daddy! Never really thought about them and can’t remember why we chose them but they’ve stuck – after almost 17 years of marriage. Read about Big Daddy and the Lovelies here.
And now, for my 12 Super Sweet Nominees…in NO particular order of affection (lol). They are truly a varied bunch – which is why they bless me so. Make it a point to visit a few, or all as time permits. Wonderful word/work by this bunch.
I’ve waited for You. I’ve been here a long time. Here in this place of desperate prayers, an unanswered call, a hope deferred. My tears have dried , it’s an effort to cry…I’ve been here so long. In the waiting. Do You see me here? I’ve watched others pray for, carry, deliver and name babies…sometimes more than once..while I’ve waited here…for this unfulfilled promise. This unmanifested dream. I’ve waited.At baby showers and hospitals, in the clutter-filled homes of new parents…I’ve watched and waited for my turn.
What will I do if I never receive this believed for gift? What will I do, if in your perfect plan, this….this gift of childbirth is one I’ll never receive?
I had to go there. Let my doubt complete its course, rushing through me like a super charged fuel…burning the things in me, that are not like You. This painful process had to take place before I could respond. The answer could shake the very foundation of my faith, leaving me wandering, nameless in a foreign land. I wouldn’t be the first barren woman to curse You and walk way. Broken-hearted and bitter but homeless….when you’ve been my shelter, my center for so long. Infertility is particularly hard on the Christian woman. So it got ugly before any semblance of beauty was revealed.
Yet even in my waiting I longed for you and angrily became more devoted to you. How can this be? A crazy paradox…another God thing? Yes. Even in the struggle, the hurt and complete lack of understanding…you were there to be found. Could this be a foretaste of the sweet peace promised in surrender?
You pulled me along through service in the dance ministry. I ministered to the hearts of others while the smooth muscle of my own was lovingly restored. The heart of a barren woman doubts and I doubted you all along – even as I danced. Wondering all the while if I’ve put my trust in a God who won’t deliver on a promise , a God who would watch me suffer, watch me wait, watch me die if it meant I’d walk away from Him.
Sometimes my dance was wild…the disturbingly turbulent dance of a warrior refusing defeat. Victory is hard-fought but seemingly assured, dangling like a carrot before her and so….the warrior dances. Sometimes I danced a lullaby to my soul…tender movements rocking me to rest and temporarily quieting my fears. Other times I danced a dance of stillness..the dance of such subtle movement …movements evidenced only by tears streaming down my face. I felt the healing flow through me and then to others. I was caught in the grace of that healing. It called me back, time and again. After ministry, veiled in sweat and cleansed by tears, I’d hear you. Speaking sweet words of love to my soul, love that you had poured out of me in the dance – faithfully replenished. I was pushed out of my comfort zone, called to dance past my doubts and insecurities… you wanted a vessel and though broken I danced. I was still waiting. Years went by like this. My very survival was dependent on the dance. I didn’t know it, but I was dancing for my life. Dear Lord the healing was my own.
It was never about the thing I wanted . It was never about that hoped for baby. The one I loved more than you. The one that clouded my vision and made me feel ugly and defeated while in pursuit of her. It wasn’t about the baby. It was You…always in pursuit of me. Willing to chase me down…hot on my heels because Your word cannot lie and You are always faithful to complete the work You start.
I needed the healing only You could give. I needed to put down the idol and walk away from the altar. I had to learn to walk away from the baby, with deaf ears and an aching heart…I had to learn how to walk away – even if I felt ineffective as a Christian, even if that season of unanswered prayer echoed a resounding No. Not now. Perhaps not ever.
I am humbled even now as I type these words….words that someone needs to hear. Oh dear one…once upon a time, that someone was me. Lovely maiden, hear me when I say this,in the most gentle way I can….it’s not about the baby. You have a destiny and there is a plan for your life. Draw close to Him – especially when you don’t feel like it. Let Him wrap you in His arms while you sit quietly…attentive and listening for instruction. You’ll hear it…your very own song. Listen for the redemptive expression that is yours alone.It’s there you’ll find healing.
Are you in the waiting? In what capacity have you been called to serve? What is your redemptive expression?
I’ve linked up with the lovely Amanda at www.aroyaldaughter.com because I Desire to Inspire.
