Blog : Give Me Grace

The Christians Secret of a Happy Life : Reflections on Service {ch.15}

Posted on by lisha epperson

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Gods way of working, therefore, is to get possession of the inside of a man, to take the control and management of his will, and to work it for him. If you are in bondage in the manner of service, you need to put your will completely into the hands of your Lord, surrendering to Him the entire control of it. – Hannah W. Smith The Christians Secret of a Happy Life

The first ministry I belonged to began as a Bible study in Manhattan’s theater district. We were a congregation of artists — models, painters, singers, musician, and actors. And we loved Jesus. We wanted to serve the kingdom with our gifts, and did so . . . willingly. But that didn’t mean we wouldn’t have to battle the parts of our personalities that wanted to be seen . . . to perform.

Service is complicated. Artists wrestle with reconciling obligation and opportunity. On the surface it’s simple — share what you love with people you love. But what of motivation? It’s easy to confuse a desire to “shine for Jesus” with the drive to perform. Performances are riddled with doubt and carry with them an expectation for results. And that’s not ministry, let alone authentic service.

I resonated most with this passage from the classic book, The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life, by Hannah Whitall Smith:

You love your work in the abstract, but in the doing of it you find so many cares and responsibilities connected with it and feel so many misgivings and doubts as to your own capacity or ability that it becomes a heavy burden,and you go to it bowed down before the labor has even begun. Then also you are continually distressing yourself about the results of your work. (p. 138)

I had to get my heart right. God can make something from the nothing of any “performance.” If the offering is pure, God can use it for ministry. Doing what we love can be a useful service — but first we must surrender.

I was a passionate and devoted dancer but could I not make it about me? Could I minister?

I’m joining friends at Deeper Waters for reflections on “service” from chapter 15 of The Christians Secret to a Happy Life.  Read the rest here.

Give Me Grace : Wanderings of a Daughter

Posted on by lisha epperson

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May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace; – Psalm 144:12

Trailing skirts, braided hair, turrets and a tower. I never walk past the towered church on 86th St and West End Avenue in New York City without imagining myself in a period piece. Say what you will but my heart belongs to the old world. I have an affinity for the architecture and fashion, the speech patterns and peculiar graces of a society set on the semblance of propriety. Even knowing the lack of adequate plumbing doesn’t deter my kindred connection to anything Romanesque, Gothic or Renaissance inspired.

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I spent Friday morning sitting in a pew at The Church of St. Paul and St. Andrew. Churches in the city have been a great friend to the homeschooling community. On Friday mornings my tween and teen explore algebra with a small group of children on the third floor of this beautiful church. I have the privilege of spending a few hours bathing in the perfection of midday light flooding the sanctuary.

It’s quiet and spacious. And holy. That day I sat and cried while reading a gorgeous piece of writing by Holly Smothers Grantham. She lost her mother last year and her struggle and longing, her wrestling to make peace with the now of this transition as a daughter has been hard and beautiful…all at the same time. I’ve learned so much from it. Her struggle makes me think of my own.

“But, even at her weakest, my mom never stopped throwing open wide the doors of her heart. Whenever I crouched at her bedside to feel the heat rising from her brow or curled up under the covers and clasped her hands in mine, I was received into her deepest places. Not even disease could choke out love born in a broken body. Those fissures of cell and marrow became offerings of humility and grace and I always wept in their holy presence.”

Her words washed over me. Warmed and healed me. They did their magic, filling the wordless chamber of my heart – the silent space where I wrestle with being a daughter of an aging mother…the daughter I was, the daughter I am now. My mother is changing, forgetting. The mother I remember. The one who mothered me. I need her but she needs me more and that shift is hard.

I’m living in the tight space between two worlds. In one world I’m corn-rowed and carefree, in the other I’m doing the braiding. I’m washing hair and paying bills, wiping noses and folding laundry. I’m waking up for coffee after too little sleep. I’m sending out and tucking in. I’m planning and doing… all the things she did for me. And now I wonder and worry about her… if she’s eating well… if she went out today. If she’s afraid.

I’m thinking about legacy and living well. I want to live the example my mother set for me. I want to love and hold her up during this transition. I want to live every thing she taught. How she held our hearts by melding the old and new…her life lessons and dreams, her individual creativity and inspiration to build a family…a home, a tower of love for her children…even through change.

I am her daughter.

I wander through the complex floor plan of our relationship. I’m finding my way in the spaces between rooms my mother designed.  Everything is familiar and foreign – because we’re different. Both of us. Still, this season finds me meandering through the palace she built.

But our  foundation is laid solid with grace. No matter how complex I find areas of affinity, threads linking, connecting me to the home she built.  I’m searching but sure. I know why I’m here.

I’m here to maintain the structure of her palace. As my daughters will do in mine.

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

Continue reading “Give Me Grace : Wanderings of a Daughter” →

5 Minutes for Faith : Parenting Slow {a one word remix}

Posted on by lisha epperson

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Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it. – William Feather

Just a few weeks into my One Word 365 and I’m certain I made the right choice. I feel it seeping into my heart and mind and almost constantly, new revelation on the word slow becomes part of me. This years word complements last years so well. It allows me to continue walking on the path God placed me on last year – minus the self-inflicted stress . Discipline is the result of a slow, methodical, thoughtful life path. Without the slow my discipline is easily warped – a chaotic mix of effort and plans gone wrong. And fatigue. Did I mention the fatigue?

She pressed the paper onto my lap. Six years old and full of enthusiasm for her craft, she tried to get my attention. She wanted me to see. There’s nothing like the “let me show you” attitude of a girl filled with determination. Her world is the right now impulsive energy behind her request. She won’t take no.

Where did this come from? Chailah’s measured and intentional. Her way is slow, meditative and deliberate. She naturally takes her time. She’s shy… the little sister trying to find her way out of a shell. When she wants your attention she’s thought about it. She’s already spent time processing her goal. That’s when her inner firebird feels free to fly.

That night I’d missed her process. I was too busy. By the time I got it her paper was wrinkled…her eyes told me what I wouldn’t see.

It was late and I’d already endured a bout of casual bickering between my older two during kitchen cleanup.  Bespectacled, (because that’s how we mid-lifers roll) and hunkered down deep in my favorite spot on the couch, I dived into my iPad to get a little writing done. I didn’t want to be interrupted. I’m sure my body language screamed “do not enter” but she pushed past the physical and literal road blocks. She wanted to show me something.

I’m sharing a little of my parenting journey with friends at 5 Minutes for Faith. Read the rest here.

I Have Decided To Stick With Love : Happy Birthday Martin Luther King Jr.

Posted on by lisha epperson

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I have decided to stick to love…Hate is too great a burden to bear. – Martin Luther King Jr.

I’ve reached for and read this quote countless times – more times than I would have imagined in a single year. It’s been biblical manna, a holy morsel to chew on when the current political or social climate’s left me cold – or hungry.  I’m looking for love in scant crops…for beautiful flowers in a barren harvest. Love not hate…love. I have to remember. 2014 was the year of remembering love.

Martin Luther King Jr. would have turned 86 years old today. I wonder what he might think of the world he left behind….his legacy, the dreams he held for a world where you and I, God’s people might squeeze out a hallelujah chorus of “it is well”. Even if we don’t all agree. Might He, be our peace?  Race is our country’s thorn in the flesh. The thing we wrestle with  – still. Would he sometimes feel discouraged…like me.

Because the girls are still gone and thousands lie dead in the streets with little international outcry over what some have called the deadliest massacre in Nigerian history. In Colorado an NAACP chapter was bombed. And we can’t breathe, and there’s still blood on the streets of Ferguson and a little boy, being a boy, was murdered in cold blood forcing us to cry out again and again Black. Lives. Matter. And then 2 innocent police officers paid the ultimate price….silencing all sides in what sometimes feels like a modern-day civil war. It seems we’re living the ugly remnants of a world divided….still.

But hate is too great a burden to bear.

So  love…yes love

Selma, the movie, is in theaters now and middle schoolers around the country can attend a screening free of charge. This segment of the school age population grew up with an African-American president. They’re largely disconnected to the Civil Rights movement and its impact on American history. Martin Luther Kings’ historic effort in securing voting rights for African – Americans is being spread as a message of hope and timely reminder to #staywoke amid fresh reasons to peacefully protest.

Lupita Nyong’o graced People magazines cover as the most beautiful person in the world and gave a gorgeous speech about owning your beauty after her academy award win earlier this year. She spoke for “all the girls who would see her … and feel a little more seen.” I have decided to stick with love.

And Londrell Hall and Ray Mills ran from Atlanta to Ferguson in response to the shooting death of Michael Brown, spurring the movement #runforjustice…I have decided to stick with love

And Malala Yousafzai donated her Nobel Peace prize money to rebuild a school in Gaza…I have decided to stick with love.

And most recently I’ve watched online, the valiant, breathtaking living of Kara Tippetts. Absolutely… I have decided to stick with love.

There is so much more to love. On the anniversary of his birth, rather than laser in on the infinite evil and unexplainable wrong doings let’s hone in on undeserved grace, the mysterious, magical presence of hope and love – which conquers all. Love which cannot be explained or expressed without acknowledgement of the divine…let’s stick with love.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. – 1 Corinthians 13:7

Joining the Thursday link-ups of  Lyli  and Crystal