Blog : Give Me Grace

Give Me Grace : Encouragement For Your Writing Soul

Posted on by lisha epperson

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I woke up on the couch the other morning. I’ve stayed up late reading the past few nights and on this one my sweet family had covered me with a sleeping bag and turned out the lights.  It was perhaps the coldest day of the year in New York and the heater in our living room wasn’t working. I’d fallen asleep lost in the words of Madeline L’Engle, warmed by the truth she shared from this quote by Anton Chekhov.

“You must once and for all give up being worried about success and failures. Don’t let that concern you. It’s your duty to go on working steadily day by day, quite quietly, to be prepared for mistakes,which are inevitable, and for failures.”

My writing soul needs to hear that.

And the timely messages from two friends on voxer “Keep writing”. “Don’t back away from it.”

I’d wanted to write but doubt does a number on me sometimes. I get quiet. Every word gets shut up behind an impenetrable shell of steel. Vaulted.

September McCarthy announced some of the session leaders for the next Raising Generations Today conference this week. I’m one of them. Seeing my face attached to a lineup of so many godly women opened the door for comparison and doubt. I struggled with feeling flawed and unworthy – with wondering if I’d meet expectations.

My writing soul got quiet. My soul gets quiet because I know the weight of words. I know how words can breathe life into a woman crushed by loss, grief….doubt. I know words have the power to reignite dreams. I know words can lead a soul to the very throne of God. My enemy knows that too.

I marinated in this space…feeling defeated. But I shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t either. Maybe that pause isn’t all bad. Behind every holy hard word is a story.  And your unique experience makes you the only one to tell it.  It’s His job to do the work of releasing it. He’ll do that through you.  He’ll forge a path. You…do the work of being committed through quiet preparation – through prayer.

This year, as you make plans to accept invitations, ask about opportunities…put yourself out there in ways that call for increased faith – let this be encouragement for your writing soul.

The stilling of your soul is a time to get closer to God. He doesn’t give us a spirit of fear. And those feelings are all about the “no you can’t, you’ll fail. You…should be afraid.” And That’s not God. Mark the moment of silence as the beginning of a journey. God promises dreams and witty inventions. Open yourself to His creative ability. Build yourself up in His righteousness and qualifications only He can give. It’s more important than ever to discern His voice and the only way to do that is to get quiet so you can hear.

“I will climb up into my watchtower…” – Habakkuk 2:1 

“Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:16 

Jesus made it a habit to steal away with His father and the Prophet Habakkuk used wisdom when he made it his business to get alone with God.  They didn’t resist but rather, invited this time of solitude.

This time around I won’t resist the setting apart for a stretch of silence. I’ll use the time to hear. To remember – to prepare for the birthing of something beautiful.

Enough talk for the night.
He is laboring in me;
I need to be silent
for a while,
worlds are forming
in my heart.
Meister Eckhart

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

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Give Me Grace : a slow walk into a new year

Posted on by lisha epperson

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 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. – Isaiah 43:19

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”  – Lamentations 3:22-24 

I can’t explain the feeling of hope that overshadows everything at the beginning of a new year. Wiping the slate clean at the end of a season of doubt feels right. Surely there’s hope, life even. It pushed through the cracks in a stable to stream the most powerful light over 2000 years ago. That same light filters through my bedroom window every morning. Soft shafts of light tickle my face, waking me up to hope. At least for that moment, every thing feels new.

Each year is marked by the completion of the earths rotation around the sun and hope…morphs into a new configuration of numbers. But it’s not an ending. It’s the glory of again. Again God positions our hearts with purpose and intention. He aligns our hearts for redemption. With hearts set to believe, we try again. We hope.

My one word for the year is slow. Think fluid, easy…thoughtful. I’m aligning myself with the unforced rhythms of grace that herald the promise of a melodious new song. I’m asking god to grant the favor of an unhurried grace. A steady stream of growth marked by a seasoned wisdom. I want a grace that’s gradual, unrushed…a lilting adagio to listen to all night.

We live in a world of lightning speed connections further ignited by subliminal voices telling us to do and be more. All the time. We receive it in hurried sound bytes that suggest we operate in performance mode all day.  I want something different. I want an easy immersion in everything lovely. And I want time when life feels hard. I want to slow down enough to cry when I feel broken – and not feel bad about it. I want to stop long enough to recharge…restart.

To be clear this isn’t about a slothful season of unproductivity. It’s a time of being selective and choosing a pace that right for you. It’s a time of saying yes when His voice calls – a time for enjoying the clarity and freedom of saying no.

So right now in your part of the world. With your family and work, your relationships and plans, your frustrations and delights. Might I invite you to join me in a quiet slowing. To consider living dreamy.  Measured. Deliberate. To breathe soul deep. To linger when necessary, to flip the script on last.

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

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Top 5 : Remembering {a year end review}

Posted on by lisha epperson

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What a year it’s been. Actually I’m glad to see it come to a close. Let’s just say it wasn’t a top 5 year. Not for marriage or parenting or finances. It’s gone by in a blur of just good enough. I’m not proud of it but I’m grateful for grace that pushed me through from month to month. Sometimes it’s about survival. This is the year where the goal was getting by.

I’ve felt like a newly shorn sheep all raw and exposed. It was a year of being uncomfortable and naked in a way I know God will redeem for His glory. But in the meantime…y’all I’m naked and tender and so very fragile.

There’s a reason for that. Remember my one word … Yeah that one. Well my one word “discipline” demands a do over. I did well until August. And then…”discipline”  kicked my butt. In the fall I confused discipline with over scheduling. Disciplined people do everything, right? I said yes too many times and committed myself in a way that I couldn’t sustain. I tried too hard. I gained 5 lbs. I stayed up too late every night and settled into being cranky mommy. Nobody likes cranky mommy. God put a stop to that with the only thing that would work. He strong armed me with a spiritual headlock. And then the crashing silence of a sucker punch.  A dozen stars circled somewhere above my head and all those spinning plates fell. Woman down.  He got my attention through force. It worked. I give up. I’m learning to enjoy the grace of slow. I’m doing discipline differently.

I’ve shaken off most of that funk and look forward to a year of slow. I’m at the head of this remedial class but it’s clear I’m doing the super senior thing. What should have taken 4 years to complete is taking five. I know the faculty, they know me – too well. The feigned worship of bright-eyed freshmen lets me know it’s time to go. Discipline for dummies is lame but I’ll own up to being here. My new word complements the word I struggled with last year. So there’s grace in that. Living slow may help me conquer the discipline demon once and for all. Maybe it won’t. There’s grace for that too.

It wasn’t all bad. There was the joy of watching my children work hard to meet personal goals and a bunch of beautiful firsts {a ballet class, a solo subway ride, a haircut and a few baby teeth}. Big Daddy and I still share the same warped sense of humor. Eruptions of healing laughter when the stress of marriage feels anything but funny is a huge gift.  There was travel and a check and opportunities to write more. It wasn’t all bad. There was grace and God is good. I’m still here…I get another chance to figure this thing out. I get another chance to wake up to the grace of living slow.

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I opened an email from MailChimp to learn my top 5 posts of the year. Mailchimp compiled a list of the posts that got the most views in 2014. I was a little surprised by what made the list. I’m listening to what that says and figuring out what steps I’ll take to work that information into my plans for next year but honestly it’s been organic around here. I write and share what God places on my heart to share. I let God push the pen and go with that.

I appreciate the numbers behind the work but thought, wouldn’t it be cool to share my top 5. The 5 posts I enjoyed writing the most – where I felt God digging in and doing His work. In the spirit of paying it forward I’ll also share 5 posts I read that stilled my breath, reminding me of the great work God’s doing in all of us.

We can have fun in the comments section with this. Share your favorite posts. To keep it short and sweet lets limit it to 1 you’ve written and 1 you’ve read. I’m looking forward to this.

Blessings and favor to all! You were part of the grace that brought me through. Happy New Year!

My Top 5 2014

At the Kitchen Table : A Memory

Give Me Grace : Grounding {on being loved}

Give Me Grace : On Growing Older With God 

Beautiful : May I First See Her Heart {a guest post for She Loves}

Give Me Grace : A Prayer

Top Five Favorites written by you and in no particular order (okay 6)

Christmas is for the Broken by Ashley Tolins Larkin 

Three Word Prayer by Chelle Wilson

The Murmuration of the Body by Holly Grantham

Skin by Deidra Riggs 

Whisper by Marcy Nell Hanson

That Song Y’all Prayed Me Through by Dana Butler

Give Me Grace : Slow

Posted on by lisha epperson

Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry?
    Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway? – Jeremiah 2:25

Cease striving and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

Christmas leaves in its wake an ease I find liberating. The days after, feel slow. The flip side of a whirlwind of preparation reveals a future open wide for reflection. The holy pause of contemplation. A generous helping of selah before the rush of a new year. Suddenly we have time.

A slower pace is perfectly matched for the way I’m hearing from God. Slowing down helps me see Him. When I realize He’s already here I notice Him everywhere. Sort of like my gold Honda odyssey. Since buying one a few years ago, they seem to be everywhere. I see four in a three block walk to the subway – regularly. Gold Honda Odyssey’s are apparently…a thing.

This revelation was an epiphany of sorts and one long in coming. It allowed me to relax into the season with fresh perspective. I can chill out about the to do list because I’ll find God in the middle of my dirty kitchen. He’d take that last-minute late night run to Target. Hold my hand when I feel frustrated. Nothing like a toy kitchen that takes 6 hours to assemble to help you remember the truly meditative process of slow.

Even my walk towards the chaos of Christmas was slow. My choice to “be joy”, make it happen – intentional. There were moments when I had to smile when I didn’t want to, areas of tension smoothed with a deliberate measure of grace…conversations I tried to avoid…that happened anyway. But it’s a choice. I want Him to be the river of peace I walk on.

I want to savor the season, let it linger long, simmering as it were, warm and tasty on my tongue. This season my usual 3,2,1 Jesus jump is a glide. It’s slow and thoughtful…a lyrical melding and continuous motion. It’s about finding myself adrift in quiet conversation – celebrating the flow of communion with God.

What better way to do that than to remember and reclaim family traditions that force me to slow down.

I remember outings with my godmother during the holidays. Every year she’d take us for a Christmas walk. We’d walk around our neighborhood to see holiday decorations. We’d peek in windows. We’d talk and laugh. A brisk walk during the holiday forced us to slow down. Sometimes we’d ride the subway to see the Christmas windows at Lord and Taylor. My husband has similar memories. Why haven’t we done this with our children?

Native New Yorker’s take for granted the beauty of NYC. If you stay here long enough a serious “been there done that” vibe can overtake you. That definitely happened to me. Thankfully, the arrival of LiChai and Ila put it in remission. I wanted to show them everything. Our decision to homeschool was largely influenced by where we live. LiChai and Ila grew up riding around in a double stroller hearing my “Manhattan belongs to me” mantra. The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Central Park, 125th Street, Prospect Park, the Botanic Gardens…we saw and experienced it all. Regularly and on purpose.

More children meant less time. I lost a little of my zeal for all things New York. Mind you, I still loved it but I lost the drive needed to be the biggest promoter of all things New York. I never had the time. It’s a strange paradox. The busier I am the less I enjoy any of the things I’m doing. And the less productive I feel. Is it like that for you?

So living slow in New York means remembering and reclaiming all the things I love about it. Last night we relived a childhood memory and took a walk. No schedule. No appointment necessary and admission was free. Last night slow told a story. Last night I listened.

5th Avenue. Happy children. Department store windows. A cathedral. A door. A star.

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace 

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