Blog : Give Me Grace

The Miracle of Tween Boys :: Advent in the City – Day 2

Posted on December 2, 2013December 20, 2014 by lisha epperson

I’m teaching a movement/dance workshop in our home school co-op this year. The class is composed of 9 boys and 2 girls aged 10-13. Tweens. None has had formal training. Hear me when I say we are starting from scratch. I thought I’d need a miracle to pull this off.

We’re studying Lower Eastside tenements of New York City through architecture and as a supplement, went to see the Broadway show “Newsies.” This show is “all about the dancing.” It’s powerful and athletic. The perfect enticement for a group of young boys. The primarily male cast is superb and as an homage we’re putting together a presentation for the kids. That’s where I come in.

The task of choreographing for non-dancers always presents a challenge. Everyone comes to the table with great expectations because the beauty and miracle of dance is “dancers make it look easy”. The challenge is in matching expectations with reality. The fact is – we have to start at the beginning. Hearing the music, counting and keeping time with the music. Not being afraid of our bodies…to move our bodies. The difference between left and right. The girls, in this group anyway, are not afraid. They both feel comfortable with the idea of dance and have done time as ballet students. A group of preteen boys, with no training, who best express themselves with a football or by spending time bonding over Minecraft – is another story.

Today I experienced an Advent epiphany. I considered the miracle of 9, individually unique creations of God – in the form of pre-teen boys, entrusting me with the opportunity to teach them to dance. This is a tender time. I recognize the changes…physical and emotional, that could make our effort a huge flop. But they trust me and have not recoiled from my guidance. I’m so proud of them and feel His grace as I clap out each beat, call out each step.

Today’s reading reminds me we’re created from a huddle of love. As my group of young dancers formed a clump at the end of the piece, coming together in unity with a single mission, I imagined the triune God head…coming, clumping together in response to the call – “Let us.” He created You…and me. A singular vision, producing billions of unique images…humanity. You. Me. Wow!

Advent is Here :: Day 2

We sprawled on the couch and on the floor after dinner. Warm and cozy after bowls of chicken soup, they listened as I read chapter 2 from Ann Voskamp’s “The Greatest Gift“.

Big Daddy imagined the simplicity of his relationship with people he finds difficult to love. He used the word effortless in describing how Christ might love them. I answered the same question and said my relationship would be different because I wouldn’t be judgmental. I was embarrassed to admit this, and immediately tried to take myself off the hook with the thought “well Christ judges.” He quickly reminded me – judgement is His – alone. Ouch.

LiChai pauses to wonder about the magnificence of creation. He feels creation itself denies the theory of evolution. He pointed out how detailed God is and how random he’s not. Ila joined in with thoughts on the miracle of birth. She marvels at Gods creative ability to create one living thing inside another. Chailah’s response was “I don’t know” followed by “I love everything” and Ade’ joined in with an emphatic “No” to all questions.

There you have it : My miracle in the city.

Do you have tween boys? Are they involved in the arts? Dance in particular? Have they surprised you with their sensitivity and willingness to freely express themselves through dance?

Adventures in Advent :: NYC Edition – Part 1

Posted on December 1, 2013December 1, 2013 by lisha epperson

I’m doing an Advent study this season. Intentionally looking for Christ among the bargains and busyness and message of MORE. But honestly it’s hard. Because I’m a mother of tweens, who despite all efforts to the contrary, have entangled themselves in the message of MORE. The bickering over chores and non-stop requests for the latest and greatest makes me grumpy and clouds my vision. I want to see Him coming. I don’t want to miss the beauty and brilliance of His impending arrival. So I’ll take them along on this journey of scripture and questions. I want them to experience the Christ in Christmas and I want to hear what they have to say about it.

I’m reading along with Kim Hyland and a few of her friends at Winsome Woman. We’ll use “The Greatest Gift”, by Ann Voskamp as our guide. The text is lyrical and emotional.. a perfect fit for my sensibilities.

Advent is here. And right now…more than anything, I await his arrival! I’m desperate for his knowing and saving. I need Jesus now.

It’s hard to explain the head space I’ve been in lately. My mind is cluttered with the sound of running faucets, stainless steel scraping against ceramic dishes, the shattering of my favorite mug as it hits the floor. I’ve been busy with the to do list that doesn’t get done. The one that looms large, far too ambitious…the one that makes me feel small..defeated. Family life in the city is HARD and we’re running around the way we do I wonder if it’s just too much. I want us to feel like a unit but sometimes we don’t. The chaos of our week pits us against each other and we don’t feel like any team I’d want to play for. We’re a family. We should be the ultimate team.

I’m trying to release the tension in my shoulders and that knot in my back. Stress is a killer, not only of our physical bodies, but of joy. So I press them down, almost forcefully, only to feel them rise up again…way too close to my ears. I’m praying for stillness and space because I believe if I listen carefully enough, I’ll hear his call. And I can’t miss it. Everything depends on my response to His call. Everything.

I’ll post our sightings and findings. And I’ll start with this…a bud we found this morning…growing underneath the pot that was placed on top of it. Surely this is one that was given up for dead. Set aside on our terrace…as useless, broken…but God. But life. He’s coming…and I don’t want to miss it. Join me here. With your sightings and visions. Happy 1st Day of Advent!

Advent is Here :: Part 1

Big Daddy and I were taken aback by the picture above. It was a surprise. Little miracles like that are a treasure and often go unnoticed. Big Daddy also plans to look for that kind of surprise in his every day interactions with people. I’ve felt more like Scrooge than happy mama and needed this physical/tangible reminder of His coming.

The Lovelies : LiChai sees hope in his potential to grow physically. He hasn’t experienced a growth spurt like many of his friends and looks forward to branching out. Ila is yearning for recognition of her skating abilities with a solo this year. Chailah loves watching Ade’ grow. She’s seen him grow. Ade’ says he’s a happy green ninja.

linking up with Michelle at Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday

Remembering a Friend :: a tribute

Posted on November 29, 2013December 1, 2013 by lisha epperson

thinking about a friend – Conservatory Garden…today

For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more. But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, To such as keep His covenant, And to those who remember His commandments to do them. The Lord has established His throne in heaven, And His kingdom rules over all. – (Psalms 103:14-19 NKJV)

I mentioned my friend Nicole Fowlkes Douthit in my post the other day. I’m so grateful for the gift of Conservatory Garden. Nicole scouted and shared many such locations throughout the city. She was an actress and dancer, singer and director. Nicole loved Jesus. She was sensitive. Nicole was an adoptee. She was a mother and wife. Nicole was/is my friend. Nicole made me feel more authentic, more alive. Nicole believed in me when I wasn’t ready. When I thought I couldn’t handle the weight of anyone’s faith – she believed in me. I believed in her.

At the time of her passing she was living in Atlanta and we had not seen in each other in years. Friendships. Some of my most profound connections have been with people I don’t see regularly. Nicole and I met in ballet class. Darted off in different directions and later reconnected through a mutual friend. We explored acting together when we thought we’d hang up our toe shoes for the excitement of film and theatre. And then she was gone again. A few years of just hearing about her life through the grapevine of connections we shared. This was before Facebook, when we got information the old-fashioned way – real life conversation.

As we approached thirty, we both married and moved on with life. We became women in the fractured maturity of city life. It’s only my opinion, but I think we waste many years in wrong relationships. We twist the idea of being “forever young” and don’t take life seriously. Street smarts are not common sense and they rarely have anything to do with morals and values. But anyway….

Any news I got about her came from her best friend, a colleague of my husbands. He called one evening to say she was in the hospital…miscarriage, infection. I prayed and asked my sisters in Christ to lift her up. Because I’d already learned – the miracle of life is not a promise to baby, or mother.

When my husband told me she’d passed I was numb. I rolled over and smothered my face in the couch. Pregnancy, death and fear swirled around and I couldn’t move. After a long while, the stillness allowed love to step in. And then… the hot rush of tears – I felt His arms around me as I cried.

I was mama to only two of the Lovelies at the time. The youngest was almost 5. Although the dream was still alive…there were no babies in my home. When I conceived shortly after her passing I believed Nicole had “put in a good word in for me.” I didn’t get to meet that one…but Nicole’s death reminded me to be grateful for the lives I had and the life I had. Chailah came home a few months later. At 6 weeks, she was doll baby brown with a curly cap of hair. I loved her instantly. My heart overflowed with gratitude. And because of it – peace. Nicole taught me that.

In the park today I felt her presence. She loved this garden. Her life is there, bright and shining among this backdrop of disrupted beauty. For now, it takes shape as dry, withered remnants of glory. But soon, magnolias, wisteria, peonies , tulips, and lilac. But soon…the redemption of springtime.

remebering a friend — the redemption of springtime

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever.”
― Alfred Tennyson

All anyone of us wants is for our lives to be meaningful, for in our passing..our loved ones to remember. I remember Nicole. I remember and I speak your name…

Nicole Folwkes Douthit

Tell me about a friend that touched your life..made you feel like you were a better, more authentic you. Honor her/him in the comments section with a few words.

And yes! you should know she was absolutely gorgeous.

offering this to the communities at:

Still Saturday, The Sunday Community and The Weekend Brew

Why I Wept In Front of My Children :: for Nicole

Posted on November 26, 2013November 29, 2013 by lisha epperson

It was an incredibly beautiful day. Teased out of our coats by the suns rays, we momentarily, left behind the chill of winter. It was lovely. We slowly peeled off layers, adjusting to the unexpected overdose of sunshine. But that day, amidst all that sunshine and beauty – I cried. Today I thought I’d share why I wept in front of my children.

We took a walk. As we often do. A stroll through Central Park…lovingly referred to, in our family, as the backyard. I wasn’t in the mood but I took them anyway. Space doesn’t always feel spacious in our apartment. We bump into, get in the way of and annoy each other. Sometimes the only thing to do…to break the cycle of boredom or lack of inspiration , is get out. And getting out felt good.

I didn’t want to climb their “favorite” big rock so I offered a walk through Conservatory Gardens. There’s a huge fountain, ivy covered pathways, cobblestones and a block long pergola covered in wisteria. Not as exciting as “the rock”, but that day my offer worked.

I was introduced to this quietly kept secret of the city by my sweet friend Nicole Fowlkes- Douthit. We shot a scene from her first student film there…that was almost 20 years ago. I fell in love with the garden and under one of its trees, married my best friend in 1996. Nicole passed away suddenly a few years ago. She was pregnant with her second child. Her loss still makes my heart stop. One of those things you sort of get mad at God about, even when you recognize His sovereignty.

We took the long way around, stopping first at The North Garden. There’s a beautiful statue of 3 women dancing at the center of a fountain and blossoming flowers all around. On the outskirts, wooden benches create space for reflection or rest. A row of hedges cover just enough of your view – just enough to call you in , just enough to make you wonder what lies beyond.

As we walked by one of the benches I stopped. Mid-stride, scooters and stroller halting – I bent low with gratitude – humility, thanksgiving , reverence. I was caught off guard by the lump growing in my throat. The lump that developed into a full-out ugly cry…in front of my children. I wept.

I asked them to sit down and told them a little more of the story. The story they’ve heard me tell in bits and pieces since they were babies. The story was ripe for the telling and spilled out of me as holy ghost, flame-tested truth – unstoppable. Because in that moment the fullness of our circle was clear. Gods answer to prayer. His faithfulness. His truth among my brokenness.

I wept as I told how, over 16 years ago, I’d sat on that very bench and prayed – for them.

After babysitting my god-daughter Ashlee, I’d left my girlfriends apartment on 116th St and decided to take a walk. Ashlee was “the baby” in my life at that time. In the womb at my wedding, I stood by her mama while she explored pregnancy as a single woman. I witnessed the perfection of her birth – the promise of beauty for ashes. Her arrival fueled my baby dreams. But at that time, for me, the answer to motherhood was “No.” And I didn’t think it was fair.

She may have been 2 years old when I took that walk. In that time I’d lost a baby and had begun my 14 year journey toward successful pregnancy. I went to the North Garden that day and cried. The ugly cry…on the bench. Alone. I wept. I told God about my dreams of a family. How I felt abandoned after losing our baby. I told him I was afraid.

Fast forward 15 years later. Me, on that bench with 4 children I didn’t want to take to the park – that day. Yeah. The cry was ugly. But gorgeous in its simple glory. I shared my testimony with them and told them about the faithfulness of God. I encouraged them to believe Him…no matter what. And in the middle of telling the story, with tears racing down my cheeks, I doubted myself…my transparency. But God whispered to me…”nothing could be more important than this …you are living out your testimony in front of my children.” The pain and purity. The wreckage and treasure of that moment was holy. I prayed they felt the love I have for them, knew deeply of the miracle of our connection…how blessed we are. And I think they believed me..heard me…because tears from your mama are pretty powerful.

As we enter the holiday season I’m leaning in with gratitude. God is greater. His plans are expansive and wide, broad and bold. We are the fulfillment of his dream for the world and he wants to do us good and make us happy.

Don’t discount his ability to perform miracles in your life. Don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t forget the possibility of the impossible. Your story… is not over.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes! (Ephesians 3:20, 21 MSG)

Ephesians 3:20 was/is our wedding scripture. I love how it foretold the magnificence of what He would perform in our lives.

Oh, yes! Friends, God is good! Happy Thanksgiving!

bringing in the praise with Jennifer at Tell His Story