Blog : Give Me Grace

Are You Ready for Motherhood? {Adoption} Day #24

Posted on October 23, 2013October 29, 2013 by lisha epperson

mama1-e1368248405957 — nothing could keep me from this…I answered the call

Sometimes motherhood is planned – each detail written and played in time and tune…the notes of a magnificent symphony. Other times it comes by surprise – a door suddenly opening..forcing you to jump – uncontrollably, in a rush to answer. Motherhood can come unexpectedly…and in ways we might never imagine.

Most often, the call to motherhood is whispered in the secret place, where our outward displays of success and accomplishment mean nothing. It’s here we find ourselves bare. We are confronted with a primal desire to nurture and care for, to give selflessly. To love on a level never known. No matter how you experience it, the call is undeniable. You want to be a mother.

For many “I want to” becomes “I will be”. An undeniable passion. A God-sized dream you just can’t let go of.

Each woman walks her own path. Yet, arrival at this point is crucial. Because the woman who prayerfully identifies her desire will fight for motherhood with renewed purpose. Fighting a battle when victory is assured gives confidence to keep pushing – when obstacles come your way , or when you simply get tired. No longer stuck on an image of “the perfect”or “the traditional” – you are free to explore your options. Motherhood will find you because you’ve opened your heart to receive and believe for an unplanned, unexplained miracle.

This is a segment of a guest post I did at The Mahogany Way. Read the rest of it by clicking here.

and a treat : a sample from my free ebook – Warrior Song : notes of hope on infertility and adoption

If you’re a dreamer like me the word surrender is not at the top of your list of favorites. To surrender means to let go, give up…abandon hope – no way! not for dreamers like us. Right?

Preparing to wade into the waters of adoption I hesitated. Pause. What happens if I let go of the baby dream? Does it mean I’ll never give birth? Have a baby? How do I let go of this dream – a dream that almost feels like my baby–the late nights I gently rocked and nursed it..praying, planning and preparing…believing for my miracle.

After the devastating late loss of a cherished pregnancy I found myself in the ring. Wrestling with God. I resisted. I cried, but eventually, I got the message. I would have to surrender my dream…to find His. His will, His plan. My destiny designed by Him with no input from me. I would have to surrender.

I drank deeply of the meaning of this word when I met my son’s birthmother. I don’t compare my loss with hers but I do consider it and have been challenged by it. People often relate to the hands that give but ponder for a moment the hands surrendered to receive. Suffice it to say its a special place the heart goes in order to survive such a wave of grace. We met, in a place of unspeakable pain, two women, separate sorrows but oh the surrender…we met at the point of surrender. That day we each let go of something. She the sweet child she birthed and I, the mother of my would be baby – a life transforming exchange- one that you don’t get to prepare for. It leaves a mark that can never be erased. I let go of my fantasy mama to be a real one to the baby in my arms. Gods plan was that I, be his mother.

We had to let go to grab hold of the new dream God had planned for us. He blessed my willingness to follow Him. I should have released my plans long ago. They were black and white dreams, dull and void of depth. A discarded , blank and crumpled canvas compared to the brilliant masterpiece He’d designed specifically for me. I am fortunate to have a connection with my son’s birthmother and have peace knowing her painting glows just as bright…different shadings, tones, and textures but colorful…yes colorful indeed. Her life is full and in her words… rebuilt. New! We share a story of redemption through surrender.

The word… as you consider adoption…this…is my prayer for you (because it’s always about love)

Ephesians 3:15
My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:14-19 MSG)

The prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #24

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Warrior Song : notes of hope on infertility and adoption is scheduled for re-release in mid-November 2013. Stay connected through email subscription for updates.

A note…
Having technical difficulties in Greenville, S.C. – will make updates as I’m able.
Both segments were edited. It’s hard to read through older posts and not make slight changes for clarity and grammar. Thanks Jeff Goins at Tribe Writers.

The Shift :: Infertility Prayer Day #23

Posted on October 22, 2013October 28, 2013 by lisha epperson

When you make it past the day you curse God, and you will, a shift will take place. Your focus will shift from you, to God and his word. You’ll spend more time being hopeful. Confident in your portion and excited about the wondrous possibility of the future. The question mark that hung over your head is no longer filled with fear. It’s a symbol of hope.

The shift is an act of grace. The seismic transformation signals the beginning of a new day.

I made the shift when I opened my heart to other options for family building. My husband and I had discussed adoption while dating. But baby lust is strong and for a time, I couldn’t see my way around the beauty of a pregnant belly. I opened my heart, letting loose much of the tension I carried and focused on what he was telling me to do. From that point on, I knew I’d be a mama…someday. My chances for success expanded exponentially – when I made the shift.

Lust is a good word for the desperate desire we feel when walking through infertility. Our hearts ache in an ugly way for something we don’t have. That crippling ache is not from God. The baby becomes an idol. Above and before Him. The shift can’t take place with a baby or anything else in the gap. The gap can only be filled by Him.

Adoption is pretty dramatic. My shift happened with a bold leap that included the lives of people I’d never met. But opening your heart to adoption isn’t the only way to make the shift.

We tend to look for sensational, exaggerated shifts in the universe…we expect wind and torrential rain all around. But sometimes the storm is quiet. An inner spiritual storm of gentle rains and whispered winds. However you experience the storm , it can be settled with His word. The shift happens with the acceptance of truth. It’s possible to wake up and just “get it.” Peaceful and quiet, but no lest impactful. The transformation in us is huge but how it happens – may be subtle. God loves us each uniquely. He creatively connects with our hearts, speaks a language we each can hear. Listen for it.

Have you made the shift? God can’t work until you do.

here’s the word…

Here’s what I want you to do: find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. Matthew 6:6 (The Message)

and the prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #23

I heard this song on the subway today. I couldn’t see the woman singing it. In NYC the subway is full of talented artists and this woman was no exception – she could “sang”. Her voice echoed across the platform and the words touched me. I listened to Whitney Houston in the 90’s – belting out her love songs while I faked my way through college. Her story is tragic and the words of the song seemed a cry from someone desperate for change. It’s a perfect song to hear when you need to and are ready to make the shift. I went home with this song in my head and danced in the kitchen.

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

For the Day You Curse God :: Infertility Prayer Day #22

Posted on October 21, 2013October 22, 2013 by lisha epperson

what happens when you curse God?
photo : Flickr CC – gotosira

For The Day You Curse God

Because of wrong thinking you’ll spend a lot of time trapped in fear and doubt. This can happen, even while working hard to renew your mind. A negative medical report, yet another pregnancy announcement. Any of these things can push you to the edge. Pent up anger only builds and one day you’ll be at your lowest level of faith. You’ll hit rock bottom. You’ll know you’re there because that – is the day you’ll curse God.

Maybe you’ll find out your 15-year-old niece is expecting, perhaps the doctor will tell you the fibroids you had surgery to remove….twice…have grown back, maybe you’ll be diagnosed with a rare clotting disorder, making pregnancy unlikely. I don’t know what your mountain will be – what canyon sized crevice you’ll encounter. But you will face one.

I have to be completely honest with you. The day you face the mountain will be hard. And you will want to give up. Full of bitterness you’ll turn your face from God and whisper the deepest level of doubt. ” I don’t believe you.”

He promises to hold you…anyway. Grace will rush in and fill the chasm. Seal the gap, satiate the gorge. The dip is deep…..but God is greater. He’ll bring you over and through.

Take the test. The testing of you faith leads to a beautiful river of hope. Each faith test yields that much more. And all you need is a mustard seed.

The other side of the mountain? I don’t know. But He does. The promise is…whatever it is – will be well with you. On the other side is peace.

This isn’t to say we should feel free to curse God. To be clear, what I am saying, is this – grace is available. When you begin to comprehend the depth of His love for you – you won’t want to curse Him. He’ll turn your curse to praise. Let Him.

I want to encourage you to hold on. No matter how hard it gets or how much anger you feel – just hold on. God is bigger – than the day you give up.

Here’s the word…sweet assurance

“I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you – Hebrews 13:5 (The Message)

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. Romans 5:1-2 (The Message) * read all the way through verse 11…it’s really good *

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. – Philippians 1:6

And the prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #22

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Linking up with Elisa at More to Be for Transformed Tuesdays.

Why You Should Watch Your Words :: Infertility Prayer Day #21

Posted on October 21, 2013October 21, 2013 by lisha epperson

Watch your words.

“I can’t carry a child.”
“Obviously I’m no fertile myrtle.”
“I guess it isn’t in His plan.”
“I don’t even want to get pregnant now. I’m too old anyway.”

My head was filled with thoughts like these. And I thought they were based on facts. Because I’d experienced miscarriage, believed my present reality was a foretelling of the future and – was over 35. With words, I wrote the ending of my fertility journey…without asking God.

I talked to him about it. But when I didn’t get the answer I wanted, picked up the pen and started writing for myself. I tried out my thoughts – speaking…without thinking. Not realizing the power of my words I’d say whatever I felt. I was “keeping it real” …”being honest” but I was digging my own grave.

We have to watch our words. Our words create our reality. They are the manifestation of our thoughts and the bounty of our hearts. Everything we do and are is because of our words.

I learned this life changing lesson and changed the course of my destiny.

photo : flickr creative commons - yamaha — photo : yamaha – flickr cc

It takes time. You have to retrain your brain. Renew your mind. I renewed my mind with the word. I replaced my negative thoughts with His word. Starting with little things like a shift in perspective, I chose to render any situation a possibility. I stopped being so pessimistic about my desire to conceive. I began with a shrug of the shoulders and say things like “you never know.” In response to positive comments from others I’d offer “from your mouth to Gods ears”. I know it doesn’t sound like much but really, moving from such a negative space is hard. I was slowly bringing my thoughts into captivity.

From there I’d make declarations and memorize scripture pertaining to my situation. I was learning to love myself again. My love tank was being refilled. My heart restored. It took a long time, but a tiny seed of hope sprung forth with new life. And with hope anything is possible. My vision for the future was bright. I hoped it would include giving birth to a biological child but I was no longer consumed with the idea. I was confident in the joy I was experiencing. I was at peace.

Has your season of waiting turned your thought process into a constant stream of mental parrying? a negative wave of emotions you feel free to give voice to? There’s nothing wrong with sharing your feelings. We should all have a safe place to share our troubles, Godly relationships that provide encouragement. However, if those fear based thoughts have become your life’s mantra – you’ve crossed a line. Wrong thinking can ruin your life. It’s simple. Change your thinking . Change your life.

photo: yashna m. - flickr cc — photo: yashna m. – flickr cc

Here’s the word :

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; – 2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:2 (NIV)

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit – Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

And the prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #21

You can catch up on earlier posts in the series by clicking here.