Blog : Give Me Grace

Day Off :: Beautifully Made {Love} – Day #20

Posted on October 20, 2013October 20, 2013 by lisha epperson

It’s our day off and today my heart is full and my wheels are turning. Today I want to talk about love.

I always look forward to Sunday. I spend most of the day lost in thought on the word. I listened to the ministry teaching of Michael T. Smith recently. Funny and engaging, he talked about love and the gospel. How we don’t get to define love. We don’t get to pick and choose what we feel about love. Combining those elements, no matter how much we believe them – will never equal love. Because we don’t get to define love. God does.

On my day off, I’m thinking about love. What and who I love…how I express it. I’m wondering if my version of love lines up with the gospel of truth. Because I think the preacher was right – we don’t get to define love. God is love. And his love always lines up with his word. His love is beautifully made.

Yesterday’s post was hard. I shared a challenging part of my love walk. An area where I’m asked to go beyond the superficial. To the painful and ugly parts of relationships. The explosive space between my head and heart where the ugliness of emotions rules. Love doesn’t…won’t live there. I want to love like him. But what does that look like?

How do we allow Him to manifest his love through us…to others. Because that’s what we’re called to do – respond in love, to life. Every day and in a million ways, we practice love through life. Every experience and trial is a call to respond in love. Every answer of love is a cry of yes…to the one who is love. He is the definition of love.

Is God using you as His hands and heart? to bless and encourage or remain in relationship with others…especially when it’s hard? Tell me about it. How is he refining your definition of love? Does it look more like his? On your day off, will you challenge yourself ( in the giving and receiving ), to love better? The benefit is a more beautiful you.

Here’s the word…

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.

On my day off…I’m exploring love.

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Infertility Prayer Day #20

The Infertile Stepmother :: Infertility Prayer Day #19

Posted on October 19, 2013October 19, 2013 by lisha epperson

When Rodney and I married, I became the stepmother of his then 14-year-old son. Rodney’s mother was no longer living and his father was never a part of his life. His family. The new family I would forever be connected to, was his son and his sons mother. Nothing traditional about this. But it was also completely ordinary. We were just one example of the new modern family.

Life was good until we began a years long journey to conceive. I became an infertile stepmother. Nothing could prepare me for the frustration I would feel being an infertile “second wife”. I didn’t think it could get any worse. Until my step son – had a son.

Thank God the counter was there to steady me. Phone to ear, I tensed. My shoulders crouched towards my ears and I felt every muscle in my body respond to the words. Emoni, my step son was a father. His son was born a few weeks after my 37th birthday.

I was an infertile stepmother and now grandmother to my stepson’s child. I wasn’t ready. This was an unwanted and very painful layer of head tripping for a woman going through infertility. Emoni, to me, was physical evidence that the fertility problems we had, were mine. He, like his dad, long, tall and lanky – would walk into a room and all I imagined was everyone looking, not at him, but at me. Wasn’t I supposed to give him a sibling..his father a child? Every year I failed, my barrenness, an ugly addition to the stereotypical image of the evil stepmother.

We were in a happy place when his son was born. LiChai our first child through adoption had arrived two years earlier and I was living my dream as a mama. But that news shocked me and brought with it a new level of pain. My infertility hurt in a way it hadn’t before. My stepson was privileged to bring life into the world and all I felt was the weight of this injustice. What could be fair about this?

I don’t know how I attended the baby welcoming ceremony or how I embraced his child as a grandmother. To be honest I don’t think I fully have. I was uncomfortable. And broken in a way that made me feel useless. All I could think about was myself, which clouded the joy I might have experienced – if joy could be found in such a place. But I might have had peace. Peace would have been good.

So I did what everyone does. Hurt people…hurt people. So my sweet Christian girl soul sat back in judgment. I judged everything about his situation and found the sweet spot of the lofty when I realized I should feel sorry for him.

But really I was jealous and those feelings stayed with me a long time. Today’s post is hard. I’m still working through this…and 9 years later have strong feelings about how I’d like things to change.

I want to be a grandmother to his children (you heard it right – Emoni also has a daughter now). The dynamics of his situation, combined with my real world experience of full-time parenting makes that hard.

I’ve pushed past my judgmental stance and now pray to be part of their lives.

I could look back in regret, and there is a bit of that, but I have to move forward. In todays modern family, I have to embrace the life I have and the children God’s blessed me with All of them. I have to walk in love. Period.

Here’s the word…I lived a modern-day version of this.

Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Although Peninnah had children, Hannah did not have any. (1 Samuel 1:2 CEVUK00)*

*I wasn’t taunted by my stepsons mother. She didn’t have to do that. I did it myself.

and the hope…I’ve lived a modern-day version of this.

He causes the barren woman of the house to dwell as the happy mother of children. Praise Yah! (Psalms 113:9 NKJV)

Infertility Prayer Day #19

If you’re an infertile stepmother –

I hope sharing my story encourages you to make choices you can be happy with. Walk in love and pray continually for peace. With that, I think you’ll do fine. I’m praying for you.

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

So encouraged by Barbie at The Weekend Brew. Joining her for a little link-up love this weekend.

I’m Losing My Faith, Now What? :: Infertility Prayer Day #18

Posted on October 17, 2013October 18, 2013 by lisha epperson

For we walk by faith and not by sight – 2 Corinthians 5:7

So here we are friends….it’s taken us 17 days before we could sit together with this topic. 17 days to begin processing the emotions of infertility.

If you generally don’t speak to anyone about infertility…just being here has been huge. You’re having the internal dialogue. You’re dealing with it. But you may still be in the trenches. Struggling with believing God when circumstances refute everything he says. Today’s post is for you.

On the battlefield you’ll have to fight for your faith.

The plan of action isn’t only a practical plan of steps to motherhood. The plan of action is to stay alive…with your faith intact.

When the battle rages, how do you hold onto your faith? When you don’t get pregnant, when you miscarry, when your husband doesn’t want to pursue adoption or a potential match falls through…when the 3rd round of ivf doesn’t work or when your prayers feel unheard and seemingly go unanswered. When your dreams of motherhood have not survived beyond the realm of your imagination…what then? What of your faith?

Faith is built in the day by day little things..the overlooked, the mundane. Begin to thank Him for the little things. If you can shift your focus from “please give me” to “thank you for” – you’ve made a successful transition to a life of gratitude.

Faith grows. God will show up. His presence and activity in your life is a sure thing…but you’ll have to trust. Problems arise when we don’t see him moving quickly enough and in the way we thought he would. A large part of the developement of faith is learning to wait. Start with the little things and build toward a life of gratitude and patience. If we could see everything – see into the future to know exactly how things would turn out – there’d be no reason for faith.

You can’t explain your faith. It’s part of your inner knowing – your connection with spirit. With God. You mind can’t rationalize it, thereby proving it. The commentary below nails it.

Faith proves to the mind, the reality of things that cannot be seen by the bodily eye. It is a full approval of all God has revealed, as holy, just, and good. – Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary.

Here’s the word…

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. By faith, we see the world called into existence by God’s word, what we see created by what we don’t see. (Hebrews 11:1-3 MSG)

let’s dig a little deeper…

Our spiritual eyes give us vision and hope for the future. We have to use them. But we have a choice…to pursue fulfillment of His promise or turn away..broken by the nagging ache of dreams left to die. This shift in focus is important because we have to want our relationship with him more than anything. More than – any. thing. More than the baby. ( I know..that hurts..and I’m sorry – but it’s true *hugs*)

Dig deep. Fight like your life depends on it – because it does. Work your faith, believe God.

Infertility Prayer Day #18

leap of faith – changing your circumstances…

What you believe determines your actions. Without faith you won’t move. Without faith you won’t seek treatment, you won’t attend an information session at an adoption agency. Without faith you’ll never try. And what of the women who never try? They wind up bitter and deeply bruised because an important part of them has died. Your faith is your breath. Faith is the reason we live and proclaim His love. Hold onto your faith.

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Do You Have a Plan? How Will You Slay the Dragon? Infertility Prayer Day #17

Posted on October 16, 2013October 17, 2013 by lisha epperson

Do you have a plan?

When you’re on the battle field of infertility the goal is to slay the dragon. Other warriors have gone before you, with definitive plans for success. Some return triumphant, others were defeated in battle…still others revise the plan mid battle, calling a truce. What will you do? Do you have a plan? How will you slay the dragon?

Every war is entered with its own game plan and each warrior must define first, for herself, what winning means. There is hopeful news from the frontlines. If you go into the battle with a plan for parenthood – the odds are in your favor for success. With God on your side you have every reason to plan for victory. Seek his will and make a plan.

There have been many advances in medical treatment for infertility. The majority of couples (65%) who enter the battlefield with a plan for treatment will be successful in giving birth. But only 44% of infertile couples seek treatment. If theses numbers say anything it’s give it a try. If God gives you peace about seeking medical assistance for the disease of infertility – Go For It. The odds are on your side. God won’t be mad at you and your faith in him isn’t on the line. He uses medical professionals to treat diseases. Infertility is one of them.

If science isn’t your cup of tea, perhaps you’ll consider adoption. Everything you wanted to know about it can be found here or connect with me here. I am the mama of 3 through domestic adoption and joyfully share my testimony and any information you might find useful. A reminder…don’t sit on this option. Some consider it the final frontier. Something they can always do…in the future. They sit on this idea until the very last minute…and sometimes that’s a mistake. There are age limitations in adoption. Each agency has their own cut offs…but they do exist. Use this ace-in the hole wisely.

You may want to test the waters with foster care or feel God’s tug on your heart for ministry in this area. Most foster care agencies operate now with permanence in mind. Realizing a forever family is best for a child, social workers go to great lengths to keep birth families together but are mindful of this fact. As a potential parent you aren’t necessarily last on the list. The system has its flaws but if you’re led in this calling – you’ve been anointed for the work. Believe Gods best for the children you have the opportunity to love on – even if only for a season.

Child-free living is an option and is a powerful choice for those who feel called of God in this direction. This to me, is the boldest choice and I respect the women who have bravely made the decision to experience a full life as a woman without children. The women I know who have made this choice have the freedom to reinvent themselves again and again. Their lives are full and rich with purpose.

Here’s another scenario…you try all the treatments, potential adoptions fall through…your heart still burns for the love of a child. You think the plan failed. What then? Believe God. He is the final authority over the plan of your life. There is hope and His plan never fails. Expand your vision to see beyond natural circumstances. He is always at work in your life. Find ways to satisfy your longing by investing in the lives of the little people around you. Or – dismiss children and embrace freedom from the responsibility of raising them. Enjoy the valuable position held by women without children. Try not to worry. Change is inevitable. Stay in faith . Stay focused.

Whatever you decide…do your research. In His word and online. Revelation and information is readily available and none of us, living in this unique time in history should be able to say…I didn’t know…about anything. He promises to give wisdom and He gives it freely.

Here’s the word

For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

God did this according to his eternal plan. And he was able to do what he had planned because of all that Christ Jesus our Lord had done. – Ephesians 3:11

a song

I’ve got my feet shod
With the preparation of peace
Got my sword of the Spirit
My shield of faith
Got my breastplate of righteousness
Helmet of salvation
I put on my armor
And I’m ready for the battle

and this one too…

Order my steps in Your Word, Dear Lord
Lead me, guide me every day
Send Your anointing, Father, I pray
Order my steps in Your Word, YES
Order my steps in Your Word

And of course the prayer

Infertility Prayer Day #17

You can catch up with earlier posts in this series by clicking here.